Day 29- Picture.....avec critical self assessment.

DAY 29.5

A: More definition needed,,,,  Kill off the little hump in the middle

B: Hmm. interesting, my rib cage is smaller than I thought it was

C: Lose this softy area inside

D: I hope I dont build more muscle here!

E: Definitely smaller...but never mind. At the end of the day its only body fat (....you don’t mind do you marcus?)

F: yeey progress area:-)

G: Was wearing these shorts for my banner pic -they actually feel a bit loose.  That’s rather nice:-)

A month in, and I'm on track in terms of milestones....(as in post below) however the concern is that I don’t feel like I'm owning the situation at all yet. (I feel like the workouts are owning me, not the other way round),

& also the paranoia that the slow progress I have made will be instantly reserved if I have that single bite of indulgence....

Am hoping to have a positive shift in mental state over the next 4 weeks...!

Next month, I am fully assigned at work (I am an interpreter) and it looks like its going to be back- to-back meetings right the way through July.  I'm anticipating more stress to come along... but I can because I think I can (....right?):-D

By the way.... If I'm meticulously & desperately checking my schedule to see when I can possibly sneak in my fruit snack, before wanting to make sure I have enough time allocated to nail down briefing time with the presenter before we're on.....

This must mean I'm evolving in to a true PCPer...........!

*********************************************************

Re: Comments

Partick- That’s reassuring to know....thanks! 

Kos- I hope I stay on track…! There’s always a weight loss curve that I struggle with when things come to a stand

still… praying on my egg whites!

Marcus- minus 3.1Kgs now, so even better;-)

Day 24: The cloud & it's silver lining

Firstly, Re: Comments (...I think I’ve almost given up on fixing my crippled blog)

Bruce> Support much appreciated! Hmmmm…better than my motivation picture?  aim for the moon & land in the stars! :-D

Jason> I’m still managing to stay focused on the program, but these days I am actually developing concerns regarding something else…. I worry that I’m turning in to a nasty person who you wouldn’t want to be friends with!  
I mean… who would want to get buddy with snow white’s step mother??

Justin> Wow…. Really, that’s so cool!  Speaking of late night posts… I can’t seem to get decent sleep at all these days!  I thought it was just work, but I’m increasingly convinced it’s more to do with PCP-related stress.

Tracey> I actually tried to leave a comment on your blog just then but failed L  
You are so creative with your food, its amazing! I almost feel embarrassed reading about everyone’s culinary wonders,  the reason my kitchen is cleaner is because I’m not doing a hell of a lot of work in it these days!  Eating things raw, or just throwing everything in a pan and squeezing lemon over it later. (….80% of my meals end up tasting.. zesty)


Ok, so....about the cloud and the lining:


I'm feeling pretty miserable these days as I feel like I have no life...!  (Probably because I don't as such)  All work, no play!!!! (Job, side job, schooling, exercising, nutritionalizing....no socializing, no shopping, no comfort-dessert, no down time to chill out in general and unfortunately not enough sleep either)

But the one (......& perhaps only) consolation is that PCP-ing is on track (is it ironic that this is the cause of my pain and also the alleviator of it) and I am down 3KGs.

.....its not an overwhelming number compared with other peoples progress I've been seeing on their blogs...(how the hell do you guys do it??)   but it's still quite a big deal for me on a personal level, as I realize I have actually not been this mass since I was....15? 
(I am 26 now.  Over the past 10 years my height has changed by maybe 2CMs, weight has been pretty stable with some occasional fluctuations...but always one of an upward nature.)
-However back then I didn't have much going on in the bosom & booty area, so I think over all I'm evolving in to a better form.  Horaaaay :-D


Annual health check at work today:  & the nurse called me in to her office........ to ask me why I've suddenly lost weight (she's seen me around the office) and she asked me what my secret was...!  She did also tell me that it is not advisable to lose more than 1KG a month... but decided not to listen to her and did some PCP PR-ing while I was there.  She was intrigued. (Patrick....... I may have found you a new candidate for the next round!)

Also according to this health check...... I seem to have grown 3MMs since last year - which I assume is (an ever so slight) good news for the BMI too :-D  Joys!

Day20 -Observations

Firstly....
Re: Blog comments (sorry some of them are so late! was waiting for my blog to fix itself... which it never did)

Tracey: Hey I'm back to feeling hungry too after Partick cut my carbs! :-(  Good for you for staying off the chocolate!            I'm bracing my self for the next set of dietary requirements....

Terri:  Hope you had fun in italy!! (...the food temptation almost sounds torturesome) by the way it occured to me the other day that my shoe/hand size is not going to change becasue of PCP...
maybe it would be motivational to set monthly milestones to reward my self with shoe/bag shopping to push the process along..?

Marcus:  Ditto! ;-)

Karim:  I find window shopping is definaly a motivation booster for me!  I think I may want to start setting up a post-pcp splurge fund now.... weight goes down, fund goes up!

Patrick: Damn right...I used to feel bad about sending guilt waves around the office by passing on snacks as they came around, but now I actually believe I'm doing people a favour now.  Surely it couldn't hurt them to be more health conscious either!     Photos, will be on to it



Ok, so moving on to Day 20 Observations.

Assessed my current status after patricks email yesterday.... and it goes something like this:

Stress levels:  difficult to tell, becasue for the past 1.5 weeks I've been stressed with other non-PCP related stuff.... but I think this is exactly the kind of time I would be justifying a cookie stuffin'.... so I suppose not having to deal with added self loathing is a plus.

Yearning for dessert:  fluctuates. -Had to make an international call to marcus the other day so he'd talk me out of it.  It worked!

Hunger: its suprising how a 20-30gram reduction of daily carb intake can make a difference........ I'm back to being hungry again :-(

Strength:  I feel that my work outs are going better (no collapsing on the floor once I'm done, consistant control over bands as opposed to letting my arms drop on the way down with the davinchis etc), however in all hoestly, In my every day life  I feel totally drained from energy all the time!  this is worrying me.  a flight of stairs I used to be able to happily run up is now feeling like a great chore as my legs are still hurting from jump roping in the morning,,,, I hope this is just a passing transition phase.

Skin: Constant

Bowel movements:  Positive.

Libido:  increased

Body: I see.... hip bones?  coolio.

Sleep:  sub optimal... (but this is not becasue of PCP) I still dream about dessert.

Other things I noticed during the week:
External: -Women apparently dont really care about weight loss on other women....men are definalty more vigilant!  & more supportive.
-My kitchen is cleaner these days.
-Not many people in the world are actually that physically/health conscious!  A lot of people want to know about what I'm up to, but I have yet to come across anyone who wants to get on board with PCP them selves to eat better and exercise more.(no doubt I will out live them by 30years in a waay hotter body.)

Internal: 
-This whole project is really more a mental challenge than it is anything else.  the physical challenge of forcing out that last situp when I feel like my muscles are being ripped apart from within is one thing.....   but telling my self 10 times a day 'I am a goal orientated individual that likes to get shit done-  and the shit WILL get done! -i can becasue i think i can i can because i think i can......'  and actually focring my self in to believing & executing it is another thing.    So... inner strength. up!

-Intra-personal Communication.......I talk to my self more!  (I talk to my self a lot anyway... but they used to be more like mumblings.  Now they have turned in to articulated, enunciated full blown dialogues.   eg/   'Meg, I am going to tell you why you should not reach for that cookie.  First and foremost, ask your self whether you want it more than wanting to look like hot celebrity X,Y, or Z?  ...I thought not.  Now, let's cast our minds back to when you were 16 and used to work part time at millie's cookies at the arcade....   ')  
Yeah I know - verging on psychotic perhaps.  but it works!


Ok now...for some flickr-ing around....!

Day14 - Slow but steady progress

I'm getting mixed reactions around the office about my PCPing

-there are supportive people who will finish off my meal when eating out.

-there are evil people who try and talk me in to going out for drinks

-and people who offer me snacks to test me

-those who tell me 'meg you don't need to lose weight'.....  I think they are devils in disguise

-curious people who interrogate me with questions and think my digital scale is a toy to play with.......


.............I picture my self waltzing in to the office 76 days down the line dazzling out the place.


Day 14, down 2.4kgs and minus 2.5% body fat.   slow but steady progress!


Other recent achievements:

-befriending local restaurant staff to provide me with PCP balanced portions
-perfecting the art of elegant jump roping indoors as it's the rainy reason in Japan. (I'm skipping in a tiny Japanese apartment- I think its pretty remarkable!)
-culinary innovations
-awakening of taste buds.....discoving that food tastes perfectly good with out ketchup etc.
-saving a lot of money already from not buying snacks /going out drinking / shopping (....anticipating the great spree once I reach peak condition!)
-figuring out a)What a push up is supposed to look like  b)How to do something that resembles one.


Week 3...... bring it on!


※Am I the only one still having problems commenting on peoples blogs??

Day 10 - Getting better!

Since 'real' PCP started.......I feel happy!

Not starving to death is a great feeling! 

But I'm having the opposite problem, of not feeling hungry when Im scheduled to eat (....never feel like eating at evening snack time) it's better to skip it as opposed to force feeding though, right?

The breakthrough of the week, is that I'm not craving haagen-dazs any more! (...well atleast not yesterday or today.)  and I'm noticing that plain yoghurt with bananas is actually sweet enough on its own and does not require additional honey.   shocking-  were my taste buds dead until now?

Exercises are.......challenging.
Felt a bit lame as I watched Marcus do military style push ups next to me the other day as my feeble arms quivered in pain.  However it was really great to get suppport and guidance! (... about the fact that half of the methods I usually do these exercises are apparently incorrect..)

Went belly dancing tonight!  pretty exhausted, but great fun:-)

Now where's that jump rope.... (Memo to self for the future: try and do PCP stuff in the morning like everyone else....!)

Day 7 - Sugar workaround?

I am wondering.....

Suppose I were to get dessert, I were to eat it, but I don't swallow it........... does it not count?
 -yes I am aware that some may classify this as an eating disorder!

........but let's just say, it is merely a hypothetical wondering and I'm playing devils advocate here.......
Not that I'm going through major withdrawal symptoms and I'm driving my self insane out of sugar depravity or anything.

So today is really my last chance to eat half a dessert before we have to commit our selves to a life of lettuce weighing by the milligram.... but I am thinking that only eating half a cake and throwing it away is blasphemes, not to mention emotionally torturesome so decided to stick with the cold turkey approach.

think victoria's secrets..... think Kardashian sisters..... think bond girls.........


Bring on week2!

Day 6

Thought I'd start taking a different approach and do exercises in the morning, instead of doing them at night.

It definalty does add to the hunger factor.....  But I feel very good about my self!
By the way......please dont tell me I'm the only one who feels like eating the walls around my office cubicle?
(I've been wanting to eat them since last week....they look more tempting by the day)

Now to go and eat my sub-optimum lunch..

Will reunite with fellow PCPer/boyfriend Marcus later on this evening.   yeeey :-D
It's almost been a month since we last saw eachother.

...I wonder if my 100gram (well,,,,400grams now) of weightloss is noticable?

comment function still disabled...:

Helen>  I slept through half of my weekend,,, so rest I did!

Mini> a little better.... not best.  this week is another week!
(was going to comment on your blog but failed... you seem to be doing a great job at
meal halving and combining real sports with it...!)

Karim> thank god I'm not alone!  I was starting to freak out as I was looking at other peoples blog posts saying 'half-diets not bad' or 'no hunger pangs yet'. etc. 

Greenie/wei> have decided to make major modifications to regular gym stuff..!  pushing my self is important,,,, but so is not dying.

Day 3

Wondered whether I would be exempt from regular gym-going cycles because of PCP exercises…..

but faced the reality of the fact that this sort of attitude would only be kidding my self and would not get me any closer to a victoria’s secret-esque body (…everyone is free to dream right?) so dragged my self on to the treadmill and hung in there for an hour and finished off a long day and even longer evening with PCP routines. 

By the end of it all, felt like strangling my self with the jump rope just to put me out of the pain and misery……..but then it occurred to me I don’t have enough energy to do that, so shall now go and collapse on my bed and pass out.

…….Have a great weekend everyone J

Can't seem to be able to comment on my own blog...

So re-commenting via posting.....

Greenie/Wei>  yup, Rome was not built in one day..! (it's built in 90days!)

Marcus>  Jump roping is fine, its the push ups/ crunches that are my issue.  Get your ass back here and teach me!

Helen>  Seriously? I'm in Kayabacho, we're so close! fancy grabbing a semi-meal with me sometime next week?

Noel>   That's a good idea actually!  Although bento boxes are usually packed in advance I could try talking to a place to cover me for a week...  Surely they could make a small exception to mini-mine?

Day 2

I have lost....100grams!

Although it may be completely insignificant to mankind.......it is one small step for Meg :-D


Now off to do jump roping.........whilst trying to shut up the little voice in my head telling me I'm hungry.

Day 1

Before PCP kicked off, I asked patrick whether there was anything I needed to do to prepare.
(ie/ cut off alcoholic friends, stock up on organic everythings, throw away cookie jar etc ) 
but he casually tells me that I needn't worry, and that day 1 starts with the assumption that no one has done anything and is totally unprepared..

PCP's eve, I'm about to go to bed and im thinking.... okey... what if he suddenly sends me an email tomorrow telling me to eat something for breakfast I dont have in my fridge.... or tells me to take a home made organic zero-fat zero-calorie zero-taste packed lunch that I have not prepared yet?     was close to sending out a worry-email,,, but fell asleep before I could.

Day 1: the much anticipated first email comes through....telling me to eat exactly what I usually eat but only half of it...
Aah... so thats how it goes!!  simple by logic, difficult in reality.

Honestly speaking.......  I'm still resistant to the idea of throwing away food....!! 
eating at home is not an issue as I can have half a grape fruit and half an oatmean sachet etc lying around until I need it next...but lunch?

Ended up opting for a different meal which has an estimated half-calorie value of what I would otherwise eat.  eg/ small sandwich and salad...... as opposed to going for the alternative pre-set presumably carb/calorie laden bento box and throwing away half of it which would probably be enough to nourish an ethiopian kid for a month.

............I hope this counts!   please dont tell me I've messed up on day 1 already...

halving meals/calories -done

exercises -done  (I feel embarassed to admit im actually a bit tired.......am I supposed to be??)

blog posting- done


Bring on day 2.......